Archives for February 2025

This post is part of a virtual book tour organized by Goddess Fish Promotions. Dana Hammer will be awarding a $10 Amazon/BN gift certificate to a randomly drawn winner. Click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

In Fanny Fitzpatrick and the Sirens, Fanny attends a summer camp for aspiring sirens. As you might have guessed, the camp has…issues. What follows is an interview between a disgruntled parent and Lotus, one of the sirens who runs the camp. The parent’s name is Tiana Jost.

Lotus: Hello, this is Lotus, how may I help you?

Tiana: Hi, Lotus. I’m Tiana, Cleo’s mother.

Lotus: Oh…

Tiana: Yeah. What kind of camp are you running there? What is the matter with you people?

Lotus: Well, we all have our flaws, Tiana. We are imperfect beings, just trying to exist on this imperfect planet. You know?

Tiana: No. I don’t know. My daughter got stung by a poisonous something or other-

Lotus: Portuguese man-of-war.

Tiana: Yeah. That. And then your lack of medical care sent her into a coma! A coma! What do you have to say for yourselves?

Lotus: I can assure you that she was given the best medical care we could, given that we are located on an island with no hospital. But sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them to. You know? Like, this one time I made a whole batch of peanut butter balls, and I stashed them in my nightstand, thinking I could ration them out and eat one every night before I went to bed. But you know what happened?

Tiana:…

Lotus: Ants. Ants happed, Tiana.

Tiana:…

Lotus: Because ants love sweet treats, so-

Tiana: I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANTS!

Lotus: That’s a shame. Ants care about you.

Tiana: I can’t handle this. Is there someone else I can talk to?

Lotus: Well, my partners are…indisposed. They’re in deep water, so to speak.

(Giggles)

Tiana: I have no idea what you’re laughing about. My daughter could have been killed, and it seems like you don’t even care.

Lotus: Do you like poetry? I do. When I get all worked up about stuff that’s out of my control, I like to recite this little ditty to myself. It’s by Alabi. It goes: Life may not let me choose my lot,
But whether I’d be happy or not…That is my choice. Lovely, right?

Tiana: No. It’s infuriating, and I need some actual answers from you.

Lotus: Alright. Here are some answers. Your daughter was the victim of an unfortunate stinging. We don’t know why she went into a coma. Maybe her body had some kind of severe allergic reaction. When we realized the extent of the damage, we shipped her home to you, where she could receive proper medical care. We were informed that she came out of the coma, and is fine now.

Tiana: Yes, but-

Lotus: Not finished. It has been four moon cycles since she was sent home. Why are you calling me now, after all this time?

Tiana: Because…

Lotus: Whatever the problem is, I’m here to listen.

Tiana: I just…

Lotus: You can tell me.

Tiana: There was a…chemical spill.

Lotus: Oh no!

Tiana: Our house is damaged beyond repair. We don’t have any money to buy a new house. It’s all just…

Lotus: I understand. You were hoping that I could give you money. Is that right?

Tiana: Hey! I’m not out of line here. My kid was seriously injured!

Lotus: Of course she was. But, moving on — tell me about this chemical spill. How did it happen?

Tiana: It was a hazmat truck. It crashed on the overpass, and all the contents spilled onto our house. It was some kind of radioactive stuff. We had to evacuate, and our house is totally uninhabitable.

Lotus: That is completely unacceptable. Something has to be done.

Tiana: So…you’ll give me some money? For damages?

Lotus: No way! I can’t afford that kind of payout! We live on a self sustaining island. All I have to offer is chickens and sand — I would have to sell organs to pay you more than a few hundred dollars.

Tiana: Oh.

Lotus: But there is something else I can offer you.

Tiana: We aren’t interested in attending your camp again.

Lotus: I’m not offering that. I’m offering something much better. Justice.

Tiana: What?

Lotus: Toxic waste is a huge problem, not just for you, but for the whole planet. It ruins everything, destroys ecosystems, makes humans sick, and is just plain evil. I think that the way this toxic waste was handled is deeply problematic. We on Feather Island have ways of solving these kinds of problems.

Tiana: What ways? What are you talking about?

Lotus: Well…I’d rather not discuss it on an unencrypted line. But maybe I could pay you a visit, so we can discuss our options?

Tiana: Um…I guess.

Lotus: Great! Sit tight, and I’ll be there within the week. Tell Cleo I’m excited to see her.

Tiana: I will. But what’s going to happen? Are you going to get them to pay me for damages, or…

Lotus: You’ll see. Everything is going to work out perfectly. Don’t you worry about a thing.

(Call ends)

It’s the end of the school year. For most kids, it’s time to relax and get ready for summer. For Fanny, there’s work. She has a brand-new baby brother, and she’s been hired by Zeus to look after his “injured” son. And she still has her and her friends’ cheesemaking business! Fanny is overwhelmed.

But then she meets three sirens who want Fanny to join them on Feather Island for a summer of singing, instrument playing, and fun at the beach. The program is totally free and could start an amazing musical career-the thing that Fanny has always wanted the most.

Athena and Gemma are dead set against it. Athena says that the sirens are bad news; that their whole purpose in life is to lure men to their deaths with their beautiful singing. Gemma says that Feather Island is part of a network of unmappable islands, the type of place where criminals and sketchy organizations hoard their wealth and do their crimes.

Surely, the sirens don’t do that anymore, right? All that stuff was a long time ago. If the sirens want to keep their island paradise a secret, well, that’s not so weird, is it? Fanny has talked to them, and she just knows that they aren’t as evil as everyone says. They are perfectly nice ladies.

Right?

Follow Fanny Fitzpatrick as she navigates big sisterhood, friends who disapprove of her life choices, burning ambitions, and a bunch of sirens luring her away to their private island.

Enjoy an Excerpt

The thing with funerals is, you have to be sad. Or at least, you have to act sad, because it’s ghoulish and weird to be happy at a funeral, even if you really, really didn’t like the person who died. But when someone dies, you can’t say you didn’t like them. You have to pretend that whoever died was a nice person, who you will miss very much.

That’s the situation I’m in today. I’m at a funeral for my cousin, Ava May. And it IS sad that she’s dead. OBVIOUSLY. My aunt and uncle are devastated, and my mom has been crying all morning, and even my dad got a little teary, and I don’t think he liked Ava May either, but of course he can never say that, because she’s dead.

The thing with Ava May is, she was never nice to me. Ever. She was always saying terrible things about my family because we don’t have as much money as hers. My aunt is an oceanographer and a college professor, and my uncle is an investment banker, and together I think they make a lot more money than us, but that doesn’t mean my family is trash or whatever. My family is fine. But Ava May was always like, “Oh my god, who doesn’t have a pool in this day and age? Don’t you get hot in the summer?” And “I can’t believe you’ve never been to France. You’re so provincial.”

But now Ava May is dead, and I can’t be mad at her anymore, because A) it would be petty and B) it wouldn’t do any good.

About the Author: Dana Hammer is a novelist, screenwriter and playwright. She has won over forty awards and honors for her writing, few of which generated income, all of which were deeply appreciated. She is not a cannibal, but she is the author of A Cannibals Guide to Fasting. Dana is also the author of middle grade fantasy My Best Friend Athena which was inspired by a desire to write something her 9 year old daughter could read.

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