Yes, I Am a Vampire by Stephen Kozeniewski


Yes, I Am a Vampire by Stephen Kozeniewski
Publisher: French Press Publishing
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Non-Fiction, Holiday, Contemporary, Historical
Rating: 5 Stars
Reviewed by Astilbe

Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I swear I am not a vampire. Cross my heart and…eh, nevermind.

Just trust me, there are no vampires within these pages. Plenty of zombies, though. One of the short stories in this book features a zombie caveman, for instance. And another is called Exploding Shit Zombies. You can probably guess what that one’s about.

Not every story is zombie-themed, of course. I’ve also got a monster under the bed piece that’s pretty fucking scary. And in another, a bunch of little alien goblins take over a farmstead.

This isn’t just a short story collection, either. Half of it’s my autobiography. I guarantee you’ve never seen those two styles mashed together before.

I also guarantee you’ve never seen any fucking vampires before. Not here. Not anywhere. So let’s just drop it.

What do you mean, bloodstains all over the book? Don’t worry about those. Just wipe the gore off your fingers and dive in to…

Yes, I Am A Vampire

Truth and fiction are sometimes opposite faces of the same coin.

Before I dive into this collection, let’s talk about the notes that were included after each instalment to explain how the author came up with them and, in some cases, got them published. I’m the sort of reader who loves learning this sort of background information and always reads it. There were so many exciting tidbits here, many of which helped me enjoy certain stories even more than I had before. I definitely recommend checking out these sections if you don’t normally read them. They were well worth my time.

This may be the first time a swear word has ever appeared in one of my reviews for Long and Short Reviews, but I can’t talk about “Exploding Shit Zombies” without breaking that social convention for a moment. May my editor forgive me! Yes, the premise is exactly what it sounds like, and this fan of undead fiction who knows better than to use the common word for such creatures was quite curious to discover why these walkers are so full of, ahem, feces in this universe. The reason made a great deal of sense and made me wonder why this topic isn’t covered more often in this subgenre. I also enjoyed the jokes sprinkled throughout this one. They fit the tongue-in-cheek tone of it well.

The prehistoric setting of “The Man with Four Scars” grabbed my attention immediately, especially once I realized this was set at a time when hominids had just begun speaking a few words to each other but had not yet come up with the concept of names yet. The protagonist – or maybe I should say antagonist – was a violent and impulsive individual who was terribly jealous of anyone who was more intelligent than him. Creating such an unlikable main character is a brave choice even for the horror genre, and I kept reading as I wondered if there was going to be a moment when I was anything other than irritated by and frightened of the danger he posed to the other members of his tribe. My fingers are crossed I will find more prehistoric horror in the future as this was deliciously chilling to read.

Let’s see if I can include one of my favorite pieces, “The Old Man and the Seesaw,” in here without giving away any spoilers about it. This was set in a universe where there was a grey area between life and death that more and more folks were beginning to inhabit, and it specifically shared how the first person to survive in this hazy place managed to do so. I was impressed with how creative this was, especially given the vivid descriptions of what happened and how the living characters reacted to it.

One of my favorite parts of being a book reviewer is getting to know more about the authors who submit their work for review. It doesn’t happen all the time, of course, but every so often I get to read a funny anecdote about the author’s life in the preface or learn more about how their mind works by reading the notes some writers are generous enough to include after each short story in a collection or anthology. While I’ve never met Mr. Kozeniewski, reading this made me feel like I was fortunate enough to go out to a pub or a coffee house with him for a few hours and hear about some of the many creative ideas rattling around in his skull.

Yes, I Am a Vampire reminded me why I love this author’s work so much. What a treat!

Night of the Living Toilet Paper by Kevin Garone


Night of the Living Toilet Paper by Kevin Garone
Alien Survival Guide Book 2
Publisher: Temor Press
Genre: Middle Grade (8 – 12 y.o.), Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Contemporary
Rating: 5 Stars
Reviewed by Astilbe

Marv and his friends are back in this exciting sequel to I Know What UFO Did Last Summer. Will they be able to stop a new threat to their town?

A few months have passed since Marv and his friends stopped what he believes was an extraterrestrial plot to take over the planet. But he’s not letting his guard down. If there’s one thing Marv knows, it’s that aliens could attempt another invasion at any time.

So when he spots an unmanned motorcycle racing into the woods, pursued by a paranormal investigator, Marv’s instincts scream that something very weird is going on. Marv tracks down the bike and hauls it to his fort for closer inspection. That’s when he sees it: a Sleech—one of the creatures he encountered last summer—slithering out of the motorcycle’s tailpipe.

But when Marv returns to show his discovery to his friends, they find the fort completely destroyed. The only thing left is his emergency stockpile of toilet paper.

And it’s alive.

Now Marv and his friends must unravel the mystery of the Sleech before their entire town is overrun by a monstrous swarm of toilet paper. Because if they don’t stop it in time…

It’s going to wipe them out.

Smart toilet paper is nothing to mess around with.

The dialogue made me smile, especially when the characters were bouncing ideas off of each other as they attempted to figure out how to defeat the toilet paper monster and the sleech. All of the characters had natural speaking styles that made me feel like I was overhearing their conversations instead of reading about them. This is not always an easy thing to accomplish, so I must tip my cap to the author for not only pulling it off but also for doing it so effortlessly that these moments felt completely true to real life other than the fact that toilet paper is rarely if ever dangerous in our world.

Mr. Garone had a playful sense of humor that worked beautifully for middle grade horror. This was something I first noticed in I Know What UFO Did Last Summer, but it was even stronger and funnier this time around. Toilet paper was just about the last thing I’d think of as an antagonist, so I was excited to see what the author did with such a creative approach to conflict. This was the second book I’ve read from him, and I hope to hear from him and his hilarious point of view again in the near future.

Speaking of the first book, I enjoyed seeing how Marv and his friends grew and changed as a result of their earlier experiences with extraterrestrials. My first review mentioned that I wanted more character development, and I was thrilled to have that wish granted this time around. This added layers of meaning to the storyline that made choosing a five star rating the only genuine choice I could make. It will be exciting to see where the characters go from here.

I’d recommend reading this series in order for plot and character development reasons.

Night of the Living Toilet Paper was wonderful.

Hauntings and Hoarfrost by Rhonda Parrish (editor)


Hauntings and Hoarfrost by Rhonda Parrish (editor)
Publisher: Tyche Books
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Paranormal, Holiday, Contemporary, Historical
Rating: 5 Stars
Reviewed by Astilbe

Wild storms, the sound of ice skates cutting across an empty pond and blankets of soft, white, beautiful death.

In the dark depths of winter, it is easy to become isolated as snow obscures landmarks and drifts create claustrophobic situations that can leave you huddled in your house, struggling to keep warm . . . and, perhaps, to ignore the message scrawled in the frost on the window.

Within these pages, you’ll discover eerie tales of long ago ghosts stretching frost-bitten fingers into the present, unexplained footprints in the snow, screaming madness, and icy cold sanity.

Editor Rhonda Parrish presents Hauntings and Hoarfrost, an anthology brimming with chilling stories and poems of the mysterious and uncanny for all lovers of horror, fantasy, and gothic.

Winter has many faces.

I adored the friendly ghosts in “And We All Come to the End, Around, Around” who all died in or near the same rustic cabin in different years. Finding the similarities between them was exciting due to the wide variety of eras they lived in and lifestyles they lived. I also enjoyed the plot twist later on that involved the ghosts deciding to band together and do something no one could ignore.

I was impressed with how many different approaches were included in this collection, from the kind and gentle tale I mentioned earlier to much darker and scarier interpretations of the theme. “Neither Rime Nor Reason” was one of these, and it followed a man named Donnan who walked into a deadly mountain range to try to save his foolish brother. The anger, confusion, and despair in this instalment made me curious to read more because every single character felt at least one – and usually more than one – of those emotions even if it wasn’t immediately noticeable to the reader. Peeling back those layers to try to figure out why everyone felt this was satisfying and made me want to learn more.

One of the worst things about winter is being deliriously sick and home alone during a blizzard. “Ice Lamp” explored the confusion and danger of that experience for a character who can’t quite tell which parts of their experience are memories of the past, distorted glimpses of their cold, damp cabin when viewed through the perspective of someone experiencing a serious illness, or vivid dreams that simply feel real. While I can’t provide any hints about which of these interpretations are correct, I felt like I was experiencing all of these possibilities alongside the protagonist as they struggled to figure out what to do next.

Hauntings and Hoarfrost was the perfect read for a cold, snowy day.

Tales of the Forthcoming: An Anthology of Science-Fiction and Supernatural Short Stories by Steven Blows


Tales of the Forthcoming: An Anthology of Science-Fiction and Supernatural Short Stories by Steven Blows
Publisher: Self-Published
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Paranormal, Romance, Holiday, Contemporary
Rating: 3 Stars
Reviewed by Astilbe

It is impossible for anyone to know what the future will bring or even what is lurking behind the next corner, but it is possible to wonder, to question, to imagine. Have you ever imagined?

Machines with science beyond compare, intergalactic relics possessing unlimited power, creatures of nightmares, troubling family dinners, and more are included in this enthralling anthology of the awe-inspiring, the wonderous and the bone-chilling. Examining topics of greed, love, and fate, there are stories designed to make your heart race, others designed to melt it.

Possible futures and the horrors of today, Tales of the Forthcoming is a collection of ten short stories like no other.
So make a cuppa, sit back, and forget the world for a short while as you dive into a world of make-believe where imagination rules.

Science can’t explain everything yet.

I was intrigued to discover what speculative fiction twist could be found while reading about someone taking their dog for a walk in “Mezameru.” It was such a routine but wholesome moment in life that I kept a close eye out for hints that would guide me in the right direction. What a fun way to expand the audience’s expectations of what might happen in this genre! This reminded me why I like science fiction so much.

Some of the stories in this collection would have been better if more details had been included in them, especially when it came to character and plot development. “Highway,” which followed a young man who planned to travel down an empty and eerie road in Australia in order to reach his brother who needed a temporary caregiver, was one of them. As much as I enjoyed the cashier’s stern warning to the protagonist to avoid that highway at all costs, I found myself wishing someone had better explained what sometimes happened on that road to people who were travelling alone. There were so many different possibilities and only scant evidence for any one of them being the most accurate one.

As someone who also struggles to enjoy Christmas,“Possibilities” grabbed my attention immediately. The protagonist’s long standing effort to make this holiday special for the people in his life who do look forward to it was an excellent testament to his kind and generous personality. I also enjoyed the twist later on as the family was decorating their home. What a thoughtful way to draw readers in and make them wonder what they’re currently overlooking in their own lives.

Tales of the Forthcoming: An Anthology of Science-Fiction and Supernatural Short Stories was a wild ride.

The Book of Thunder and Lightning by Seb Duncan


The Book of Thunder and Lightning by Seb Duncan
Publisher: Roundfire Books
Genre: Young Adult (14 – 18 y.o.), Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Paranormal, Historical, Contemporary
Rating: 3 Stars
Reviewed by Astilbe

A vigilante ghost stalks the East End of London… Before the lightning, he was just a boy, now he’s ready for revenge. The Book of Thunder and Lightning is a Gothic mashup of Oliver Twist and Top Boy, a love letter to London, wrapped up in a mind-bending ghost story. In 1888, unlucky Tom Baxter is thrown into a world of toxic masculinity, where his only weapon is his imagination. But at least he’s got his crew, a gang of misfits just like him, to back him up. As lightning stretches across time and space to a gritty 21st-century London, history is repeating itself. Tom has the chance to save his modern-day twin, with help from a reluctant hero, a posh girl from Chelsea, and a donkey called Dorris. His luck has to change sometime, right?

Life isn’t always fair.

Both of the settings involved characters who were not only participating in illegal activities but involving kids in their crimes as well. This was something I expected to find in the historical timeline but not so much in the contemporary one. Some of the most interesting scenes to me were the ones that explored what the kids thought about the secret errands they were sent on or the odd things the adults in their lives occasionally said or did. A child’s understanding of these things isn’t going to be the same as an adult’s, after all!

I struggled with the time jumps between the late 1800s and the modern era. It took quite a while for me to discover the connections between them, and while I found the conflict interesting there weren’t many detailed descriptions of the characters or settings to grab my attention in the meantime in the present day. I found myself wishing that these scenes were as easy to visualize as the ones set in and around 1888.

It was intriguing to learn how the afterlife worked in this universe. Instead of focusing on traditional options like heaven or hell, at least some of the dead could earn the opportunity to do things they genuinely wished to do. Although I can’t go into detail about what they did to earn those treats without giving away spoilers, I did enjoy learning about how that system worked and what the dead thought of it.

The Book of Thunder and Lightning made me smile.

Anastasia’s Midnight Song by M. Laszlo


Anastasia’s Midnight Song by M. Laszlo
Publisher: Alkira Publishing
Genre: Fantasy, Historical Fiction
Rated: 4 stars
Review by Rose

St Petersburg, 1917

French Huguenot Anastasia believes working in one of Sinai’s mirror factories will allow her to trap the imaginary Arctic Fox which lives in her womb.

Meanwhile, Jack escapes from London and travels to Sinai to avoid being conscripted to fight in the trenches. His strange imaginings do little to alleviate his feelings of cowardice.

When they meet, Jack is seized with a fierce desire to possess her, and nothing can diminish his obsessive urge to be noticed by her, despite her obvious disgust of his crude advances.

Their journeys twist together like a fugue, filled with fantastical delays, as they both fail to accomplish what they set out to do. On a quest for moral truths and unable to escape the consequences of their false beliefs, they relentlessly approach the acute phase of their schizophrenia.

Anastasia’s Midnight Song is a revelatory, hallucinatory account of the growing insanity of two young people who happen to be in the same place at the same time.

M. Laszlo has penned an epic journey into madness doubled, and the intersection of Anastasia and Jack and their issues leads the reader to join their travel. The book is beautifully written and immerses the reader into a surreal and nearly magical world.

The world created for this book goes beyond the physical setting of early 20th century St. Petersburg and introduces the reader into a world that is dreamlike… into the worlds that Jack and Anastasia reside in as their mental problems grow more pronounced. At times, for the reader, it’s not clear what is reality and what is inside their minds. I feel this is the writer’s intent…to draw us into their own thoughts and feelings. To let us feel and see, just for a short time, what it’s like.

This is a book that, while it was sometimes hard to follow it has also proven to be hard to forget. I am looking forward to rereading it, because I think there are even more depths to discover. Thank you, Mr. Laszlo, for providing a deeply satisfying and, at the same time, a deeply unsettling book.

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Devin Drake and the Roller Ghoster by R. M. Clark


Devin Drake and the Roller Ghoster by R. M. Clark
Publisher: Solstice Publishing
Genre: Middle Grade (8 – 12 y.o.), Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Mystery/Suspense/Thriller, Paranormal, Contemporary
Rating: 3 Stars
Reviewed by Astilbe

Devin Drake, a twelve-year-old paranormal ghost detective, is asked by Cassie Waite, the smartest, most athletic girl at their middle school, to help with a ghost problem.

It seems her family’s house, built on the site of a former amusement park, is haunted by two roller coaster-riding ghosts from a century ago.

While trying to figure out who they are and what they want, Devin realizes the amusement park spirits are in danger and he’ll need all his paranormal powers to find them a new hangout in the afterlife.

But when the ghosts trick Cassie into getting on the haunted coaster, Devin enlists the help of an offbeat, local historian to rescue Cassie from their world before she is trapped in it forever.

The past can never be forgotten.

I enjoyed Devin’s unique and sometimes slightly quirky friendship with Cassie. There were a few times in the beginning when I thought she was a little rude to him, but my brief confusion was soon replaced with an explanation that made a great deal of sense and helped me to get to know them both better. Everyone has off days, after all, and it was interesting to see how he responded to her when she said and did things that other kids might have found odd. There is something endearing about characters who don’t always know how to respond to each other, and I look forward to reading more about them in the future if the author writes a third instalment.

It would have been helpful to have more details included here. I had some trouble imagining what was happening because of how little time was spent describing the characters, settings, and a few moments later on in the plot that discussed how the ghosts died that I thought could have used extra attention. As much as I wanted to choose a higher rating, this was something that held me back from enjoying this tale as much as I had hoped I would.

The mystery elements of the storyline were well done. I liked the way the author shared most of the clues slowly as the plot required them. That kept my interest levels up as I waited to find out who the ghosts were, when they died, and why they continued to haunt that old amusement park. As much as I’d love to dig more deeply into this topic, I think other readers will enjoy it more if they know as little about the ghosts as possible ahead of time.

This is part of a series that does not have to be read in order, but I do recommend checking out Devin Drake and the Family Secret to anyone who enjoyed this mystery.

Devin Drake and the Roller Ghoster kept me guessing.

Arabian Nights Illustrated 1800-1950 by Albert Seligman


Arabian Nights Illustrated 1800-1950 by Albert Seligman
Publisher: Dulace Books
Genre: Young Adult (14 – 18 y.o.), Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Historical, Non-fiction
Rating: 5 Stars
Reviewed by Astilbe

This is a survey of the illustrated editions of The Arabian Nights, also called The Thousand and One Nights, published in England and America between 1800 and 1950. It begins with one of the earliest editions illustrated in 1802 by English artist Robert Smirke, who painted especially for inclusion in books. Following are the earliest attempts to print color plates, made from tin or copper, through the beginnings of wood blocks and photographic reproduction.

Featured are the most famous artists and illustrators of the Victorian and Golden Age, including John Gilbert, famous for his Dickens illustrations, William Harvey who engraved the wood blocks by hand, FOC Darley, the first American Brandywine illustrator, Walter Crane, the beginning of the Golden Age illustrators for his full color woodblocks.

Modern editions include Edmund Dulac, Arthur Rackham, Kay Nielsen, Willy Pogany, Maxfield Parrish, the three Robinson brothers; William Heath, Thomas Heath and Charles, Rene Bull, Charles Folkard, Gustave Dore, Frances Brundage, JD Batten, William Strang, HJ Ford, George Soper, Helen Stratton, Walter Paget, VF Sterrett, Eric Pape, and many others.

The illustrated stories include are ‘Aladdin, and the Wonderful Lamp’, ‘Sinbad the Sailor’, ‘Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves’, ‘The Enchanted Horse’, ‘Prince Ahmed and the Fairy Peri Banou, and many other favorites of the 1001 tales.

Arabian Nights fans, take note! These sketches are just as exciting as the stories themselves.

One of the recurring thoughts I had while reading this and looking carefully at the paintings and drawing was how much work went into all of it. Not only was it more difficult to get ahold of certain art supplies back then than it is today, artists didn’t have access to the types of technology that can make planning out an illustration easier. It took hours of hard work, but the results have entertained generations. Kudos to Mr. Seligman for honoring everyone who was involved in the creation of these images. I think they would be pleased to know that people still enjoy them so many decades later.

This is the second art collection I’ve reviewed that Mr. Seligman gathered together into the same book, and I was once again surprised by how beautiful it was. Due to how expensive printing was back then, I’d assumed that most illustrations from the 1800s would be in black and white, so the inclusion of examples of them that were in color was a wonderful surprise. Morgiana’s Dance was one of my favorites because of how it captured the exhilarating feeling of dancing in a colorful outfit. It’s always nice to have one’s assumptions challenged about what the past was like, and I look forward to checking out more of his work if or when Mr. Seligman can provide it.

I enjoyed reading the descriptions of the images that discussed things like how they were made and what certain aspects of them would have meant to someone living in the 1800s to mid-1900s. Cultures can shift quite a bit over time, after all, so not all of these details were necessarily things that someone would immediately recognize today. This made me feel like I’d traveled back in time to experience certain parts of the world as they used to be.

Arabian Nights Illustrated 1800-1950 was delightful.

Dohva – The Land Within: A Tale of Elemental Sorcery and Ancient Mysteries by Sophie Haeder


Dohva – The Land Within: A Tale of Elemental Sorcery and Ancient Mysteries by Sophie Haeder
Publisher: Self-Published
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Romance, Historical
Rating: 3 Stars
Reviewed by Astilbe

Embark on a journey to the enigmatic realm of Dohva, where elemental magic reigns supreme and ancient secrets lie buried beneath the mountains.

In the isolated land of Dohva, where souls are trapped in an endless cycle of rebirth by an ancient elemental sphere, a malevolent force wields the forbidden dark magic of the demon prince Agthod. Avala, a rebellious air sorceress haunted by the loss ofher closest friend, is driven to unravel the mysteries that have long plagued her world. She finds unlikely allies with three anti-heroes, a colourful and diverse cast who each struggle with their own demons and desires for redemption.

But as the shadows deepen and the threat grows, Avala and her newfound companions must set aside their differences and forge an uneasy bond. But can they confront this powerful enemy force that threatens to consume their world and change their destiny forever?

It’s never too late to try to live happily ever after.

The romantic subplot was well developed and fit into the storyline nicely. To be honest, I’m the sort of reader who is often a little wary about romances that heat up rapidly, but the characters involved in this one had logical and excellent reasons for both their sudden interest in each other as well as for how quickly they decided they wanted to become a couple. It was nice to see this trope used so smoothly and as such an important aspect of the plot!

This book had a large cast of characters that I struggled to keep track of. Since there were two different narrators that kept taking turns sharing what was happening, it was even more confusing for me as I was often switched over to the other perspective just as I was beginning to understand what was happening for one set of characters. As much as I would have liked to choose a higher rating, my confusion with who everyone was and how they were connected to each other was a hindrance to that.

I was intrigued by how reincarnation affected everyone’s lives in this universe. Individuals who developed close ties with each other in one lifetime often found each other again in the next one, although the precise types of relationships they had might change from being relatives to friends, to give one example. This meant that problems from previous lifetimes could be approached again the next time everyone involved was reborn. While I don’t want to give away too many details about how this worked for spoiler reasons, it led to so many interesting plot developments and chances for characters to address things they weren’t able to fix the last time around. The passages that dove into what this meant for everyone as they remembered their previous lives were some of the most interesting ones in my opinion.

Dohva made me smile.

Broken Voyage by Lindsey Kinsella


Broken Voyage by Lindsey Kinsella
Publisher: Self-Published
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Mystery/Suspense/Thriller, LGBTQ
Rating: 3 Stars
Reviewed by Astilbe

Stranded in the Arctic, the international crew of an illegal whaler find themselves in a race for survival. Can they survive the cold, the sea, and, most of all, each other?

Pushed to desperation in a bleak world ravaged by climate change, Lora M’Bandi flees her homeland to join a group of unlikely outcasts aboard the whaling ship Livyatan. When an explosion rips through the vessel, the crew become shipwrecked deep inside the Arctic Circle—sabotaged by one of their own. Now, they must trek across the treacherous sea ice to reach dry land before the ice retreats—all the while with a traitor in their midst and fearsome predators stalking their every move.

Who will make it out of this harrowing tale of horror and survival?

The threat of death lurks everywhere in the Arctic.

I enjoyed how much effort the author put into describing the characters’ backstories and explaining how they ended up illegally hunting whales on the Livyatan. This isn’t an occupation I’d generally sympathize with at all, but their reasons for breaking the law made sense once I got to know the characters better and understood how the powers that be let them down at critical moments in their lives. It was refreshing to understand their perspectives and why someone would agree to hunt such rare species.

It would have been helpful if more time was spent developing the mystery portion of the plot. The explosion that destroyed the Livyatan was such a crucial moment in the storyline that I was surprised by how little attention was given to figuring out why it happened. Yes, the characters needed to flee from the sinking ship and find a safe place to stay, but once they were out of the life raft they had plenty of time to think about what just happened and who might have been responsible for it. Having more clues to work with would have been beneficial for me as a reader, and I would have happily chosen a higher rating if they had been provided.

The world building was strong and intriguing. I especially liked how certain plot twists were shared with the audience as clips from news shows or when characters shared the latest headlines with one another. It made those revelations feel even more realistic, especially when certain characters had strong opinions in favor of or against what was happening in the world and I had a chance to compare their reactions with those who lived much closer to those wars, pandemics, droughts, and other critical events. Not everything affected everyone’s daily lives equally even if they were genuinely concerned about what was happening thousands of miles away from home, so it was also nice to have multiple perspectives on some of these moments.

Broken Voyage was a wild ride.