Winter Blogfest: Gail Koger

This post is part of Long and Short Reviews’ Winter Blogfest. Leave a comment for a chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card.

Locked Out On Christmas Eve!

I put the finishing touches on the tree, and noticed that the outside lights were off.  I flipped the switch for the porch lights, and nothing happened. Hmmm. Had I overload a circuit breaker?  I had gone a tiny bit overboard with the decorations.  Pulling on my slippers, I went outside to check the circuit breaker panel. Nope, everything was good.

Then it hit me. Those pesky gophers had chewed through my power lines again. I headed for the front door and turned the handle. Crap! The door was locked. My dogs looked out the window, and innocently wagged their tails.

Just friggin’ terrific. It was midnight, colder than a grave diggers’ ass, and I was wearing a ratty nightgown. Thankfully my friend, Chris, had a key to my house. The bad news was she lived several miles away.

My teeth chattering, I hurried down the sidewalk, and suddenly my residential street was busier than the freeway at rush hour.

A kid stuck his head out the driver’s window and hollered, “Hey baby, need a ride?”

I increased my pace and yelled, “No thanks.”

Another car slowed to a crawl and kissy noises emitted from the interior. Really? My granny gown wasn’t the least bit sexy.  I gave him the one finger salute.

Tires squealing, they took off yelling naughty words.

They were definitely getting coal in their Christmas stockings. Trying to keep to the shadows, I stepped on a beer bottle, and the next thing I knew I was face down in a prickly bush. Ouch!

I wiggled out of the bush.  God, I hated idiots who felt they had the right to toss their trash anywhere they pleased.  My hand closed over the bottle, and I was suddenly blinded by a brilliant white light. Shading my eyes, I waved the beer bottle at the nice cop.  “Hi there. Kinda nippy tonight, isn’t it?”

“Are you drunk ma’am?”

I babbled nervously, “Do I look drunk?”

Laughter in his voice the cop answered, “Yes ma’am you do.”

He dangled a pair of handcuff in front of my face before I realized it was Chris’s husband. “You’re such a jerk, Ed.”

“So I have been told. You lock yourself out again?”

“Yes, could you give me a ride?”

He opened the back door on his patrol car, and gestured. “Climb on in.”

I let out a long sigh. “Why can’t I sit in the front seat?”

Ed grinned. “Not while you’re wearing that god-awful nightgown.”

“Very funny.” I climbed in.

Before he shut the door, Ed quipped, “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you…”

“Shut up, Ed.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He shut the door and proceeded to drive all the way back to my house with the overhead lights flashing psychedelically.  Ed parked in front of my house, and hit the siren for a long ten seconds. “Whoops!”

Faces appeared in my neighbor’s windows. “You’re a real riot.”

Laughing, Ed opened the car door, escorted me up to my front door, and unlocked it for me.

“When did you start carrying my key with you?”

“Right after you locked yourself out of the house for the eighth time.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

He plunked a Santa hat on his head. “I live to serve. Ho. Ho. Ho.”

“Boring night, huh?”

“Yup, Merry Christmas.”

Tihar travels to Earth to find and claim a Jones’ female. He knows they are fearless, psychic warriors and talented in bed sport. Ten minutes after meeting Sarah, Tihar knows the feisty, little human is the one he has been searching for. Now he must convince Sarah, she’s meant to be his.

The first-time Sarah sees Tihar, she’s a bit freaked out. The Askole warrior has tentacles, snakelike features and black armored-plated skin. Even weirder she finds him strangely attractive. Tihar’s torso is sculpted perfection and his black scales are kind of sexy. Who knew challenging Tihar to combat would start the Askole mating dance. He thinks Earth girls are easy and he’s about to learn messing with a Jones female is never a good idea.

As the two grow closer, their romance comes to a screeching halt when Askole rebels attack Tihar’s home world. He tells Sarah she is his heart’s destiny and he will love her to the end of time. He abruptly severs their mental bond and disappears. Reeling from shock, Sarah won’t let a galactic war stop her from hunting him down. Can the two of them find their way back into each other’s arms?

About the Author: I was a 9-1-1 dispatcher for thirty-one years and to keep insanity at bay, I took up writing. Not to worry. The insanity isn’t catching – much. Other than the addiction to chocolate and the twitch in my left eye, I’m good. Next up in the Coletti Warlord series is Crossing Quinn.

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Buy the book at Amazon.

Comments

  1. Oh, that is too funny! I’m glad that your friends had a spare key to your house.

  2. kim hansen says:

    Sounds like a good read.

  3. Shizua oliver says:

    This is so funny. It couldn’t happen to anyone but you Gail…REPEATEDLY! Ha, ha!

    You may be a caos magnet, not unlike your characters. Those of us with staid, boring everyday lives get to laugh through your pain and embarrassment. I for one am happy you share your real life stories with us. Hopefully, you were able to stay in a nice warm house this year with no locked out incidents.

  4. The book sounds great.
    Happy New Year!

  5. You have written about one of my BIG FEARS! Getting locked out or in. YIKES – I’m glad it worked out in the end. Happy 2018!

  6. Renee Bennett says:

    I LOVE THIS STORY! Only Ms Gail could have something like that happen to her and not loos her stuff. Ed was a hoot. He obviously Knew Ms. Gail well.

  7. Cute story, thought I was only one who locked them selves out of house, car, work etc… lol but thank goodness for Ed

  8. Tammy Ramey says:

    LOL! Sounds exactly like something I would do. Thank you for the quick laugh and the chance at such a great contest.
    trvlagnt1@yahoo.com

  9. oh man, I live on a super quiet country road with almost zero traffic and hardly any houses, and I swear every time I walk to the mailbox dressed like a hobo all the neighbors do a drive by 😛

  10. Diane Sallans says:

    that’s why I have a couple hidden keys!

  11. Penny Cypert says:

    Very funny

  12. Jessica Torres says:

    Oh gosh, this year, I had the worst of holidays. Christmas was the most miserable, depressing, and heartwrenching for me. But reading this, genuinely made me laugh and giggle through the whole way.

    You’re an absolutley gifted mind, talented soul, and humerous heart. Thank YOU for being YOU and sharing your magic with us.

    Sending you light and love!
    Twitter –
    @jessicaladeeda

  13. Funny! You have a wonderful sense of humour. Thanks for brightening Boxing Day. Happy New Year.

  14. Entertaining story. Glad you didn’t have to walk miles to get back into your house. I hope you were able to fix those lights. 🙂 Lovely cover!
    Thank you for sharing.

  15. Linda Bérubé says:

    Oh this one is too funny! As usual, you know how to lighten up a person’s day. One has got to wonder…will there be a follow-up. On my, I can only imagine what will happen 🙂

    Thanks for the “ray of sunshine” and quiet snickers.

  16. Oh, my. That sounds like something I could do…I have this fear I’m going to lock myself in the garage one of these days…and I can’t remember where I put the spare key, lol. Thanks for sharing and happy holidays!

  17. funny post

  18. Maria Dalmau says:

    LOL! So funny! Sounds like a great read.

  19. Great post – thanks for sharing :). I’ll definitely be checking this one out !!!

  20. Carol Luciano says:

    Very funny post Gail. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. Happy New Year !
    Carol L

  21. Too funny!!

  22. Lisa Brown says:

    Sounds good, love humor in stories. Thanks for the chance 🙂
    jslbrown2009 at aol dot com

  23. Leonie Townsend says:

    hahaha very funny, not at the time I’m sure. Thanks goodness there was someone with a key. All my family are away on holiday and no one to come to my rescue. You gave me a good tip to make a copy of keys and give to a friend.

  24. Audrey Stewart says:

    Well I loved reading all these comments. I can’t wait to read this! I am so looking forward to it. I love good humor!

  25. I have added this one to my list. Sounds like the kind of book I enjoy reading.

  26. lol loved the story and how he turned on the siren. You should share in your newsletter some of the funny bits that has happened to you. Thanks for the laugh. 🙂

  27. Nikolina Vukelic says:

    This book is “my cup of tea”, looking forward to reading it!

  28. Omg 😂😂😂😂 those darn gophers!

    Wait, I don’t even think I ever made a spare key 🤔😐

  29. Karen Giasson says:

    That was too funny. Time to hide a key outdoors, lol.

  30. Funny Story That’s something My wife would do

  31. Linda Moffitt says:

    Hahaha LOVE It & Love his sense of Humor too THOUGH You probably didn’t at the time LOL

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