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Welcome to Long and Short Reviews. Can you share an excerpt from My Bully, My Aunt, and Her Final Gift?
Next, the secretary advised me to take a seat while she notified the headmaster of my arrival. During those dreadful moments, I did everything I could to remain calm. Nervously, I kept patting my foot on the floor and heard each and every tap. Suddenly, shouts of extreme havoc rang out just like the other times! “Oh God no! Jesus, please help me, Lawd! I got you, Sir, I got you,” were screams filling the airwaves. The door opened, and a battered female raced right past me with her hands covering her face. She kept mumbling phrases that shouldn’t be repeated by innocent lips. I couldn’t believe those disgusting words coming out of her baby-sized mouth.
Then damn, another nightmare was possibly moments away. I needed an out and fast. Fearing for my life, I formulated my plan of action. Right before Principal Shellshock steadies his paddle, I was going to blow out all the gas I reserved in my little butt. I was never a fan of the fart game, but I was scheming like a veteran. That’s all I had, and it was my “A game.” I intended to rip a good, hard one that opens my belt, ruffles my pants, and sends my new shoes flying across the room. Then all options would be left to the principal. He could chance tearing into me and losing a lung or take cover and let me go. Punishing me will become a hazard to his health.
For the moment, I felt really good about that notion. I didn’t have much else to cling to, but I was dangerously packing breakfast from Aunt Kathy. Yes, I was sure my stink bomb defense would win that day. According to past reports, I would be the first and only kid at Mitchell Memorial to get on the scoreboard against the headmaster. Make that, Hal “1” and Principal Shell Shock “0.”
What characters or part of the book was the most fun to write? Which part was the hardest?
“Two Of A Kind” was the most fun! However, the opening was hard to write because I felt a lot of guilt for appearing to celebrate her death. After all, Aunt Kathy was a relative and all the lineage I had left.
Are you a punster, planner, or someone in between?
I’m definitely in between. I love little puns just for the laugh or shock value. Like: “When I get you, you’ll know you have been got!” But, I do plan out a lot of “gotchas or cliches just for the fun of it. Many of my characters are from my past experiences. Some, I do drum up to fit the situation.
Where do you get character inspiration?
Many of my characters are from my past experiences. Some, I do drum up to fit the situation.
Aunt Kathy made his childhood miserable—now her funeral might just set him free.
In this wickedly funny and deeply honest memoir, Harold Phifer revisits the chaos of growing up under the thumb of a domineering aunt who ruled with twisted wisdom and unpredictable wrath. As he plans her awkward memorial, Hal finds healing in the most unexpected place: her absence. My Bully, My Aunt, and Her Final Gift is a heartfelt journey through trauma, truth, and the strange gifts we inherit from those who hurt us most.
About the Author:
Harold Phifer was born in the rebellious South of Columbus, Mississippi. As a kid, he worked the streets, hustled the neighbors, and bused tables at bars he didn’t belong in. After graduating from Caldwell High School, he went on to earn degrees from Mississippi State and Jackson State Universities. He became an Air Traffic Controller in Memphis, Tennessee, but after 23 years, he sought purpose elsewhere—working as an international contractor alongside soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. After narrowly escaping the Taliban takeover in 2021, he took refuge at Guantanamo Bay and resumed his writing while continuing his work as a controller. In 2024, he returned to the Middle East, where he continues to write about life, love, and the human spirit.
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