Halloween Blogfest: Gail Koger

by Gail Koger

Thirty-one years of wild requests, screwy questions, bizarre behavior and outrageous demands have left me with a permanent twitch and an uncontrollable craving for chocolate. Don’t get me wrong. Working as a 9-1-1 dispatcher can be very rewarding. BUT – some days I felt like the whole world was nuts and Halloween brings out all the freaks.

Instead of passing out candy to the little fairies and ghouls I got to deal with reality and reality sucks. Take this call for example:

“I need to find Grandma’s haunted house,” a drunken idiot said. Digging for my supply of Tylenol, I responded, “Sir, 9-1-1 is for life threatening emergencies. We don’t give directions.” The drunken fool cried, “You’re 9-1-1 you know everything.” Wonder where he got that idea? “Sir, I have no idea where your Grandmother’s haunted house is.” He sputtered in surprise, “You don’t? But… But I’m late for the party!” The guy was really starting to annoy the hell out of me, “Why don’t you pull over and I’ll have a nice officer come and help.” Yeah, right to jail, you moron, driving while intoxicated is against the law. “Okay, thanks.” “My pleasure and have a great Halloween.”

Downing a handful of Tylenol, I answered another call and could hear people screaming blue bloody murder. “9-1-1 emergency, what is your emergency? Hello?”

An out-of-breath woman cried, “We need the cops. My three brothers are fighting over the candy corn.” Not quite sure I had heard her correctly, I repeated, “They’re fighting over candy?” There was a loud crash and the woman shrieked, “Omigod! They just knocked the wicked witch out the window, please hurry.” I quickly typed the information in. “Ma’am do any of your brothers have a weapon?” The woman shouted, “What kind of stupid question is that?” One I need answered, sweetie. “Ma’am, I need to know if any of your brothers are armed with a weapon.” She huffed, “Just get someone out here before Rex gets his chain saw started.” “Chain saw? Hello?” The line was dead. The moral to this story is; the family that fights together gets to go to jail together.

Some citizens of our fair cities have absolutely no idea of what an officer can or cannot do. They aren’t plumbers, electricians, alligator wrestlers (don’t ask) or allowed to shoot your neighbor’s noisy Darth Vader carousel. Give your poor overworked 9-1-1 dispatchers a break and don’t call unless you have a real emergency. And no, we won’t haul away your sixty pound carved pumpkin or help you take down your decorations. Anyone have any chocolate?

Leave me a comment and you’re entered to win a $15 Barnes and Noble GC! 

GK_Vexing Voss_coverlgAuthor bio: I was a 9-1-1 dispatcher and to keep insanity at bay, I took up writing. Not to worry. The insanity isn’t catching – much. Other than the addiction to chocolate and the twitch in my left eye, I’m good. I’ve had my weird but true stories published in newspapers and magazines.

Links: www.gailkoger.com
Buy link: http://www.loose-id.com/authors/g-k/gail-koger.htm


  1. I always heard that Christmas 911 calls were intense, but I think Halloween may have them topped!

  2. Robin C. Greene says:

    I definitely think you live an exciting life.

  3. Ashley F. says:

    wow Halloween gets crazy sometimes. Not that it surprises me really. Iam glad you became a writer though sounds like you need some special patience and skills to do both 🙂

  4. Oh my! The police here have released some of the stupid calls they’ve had but those are definitely the craziest. You must have had sooo much patience! But I bet you got a few good ideas too.

  5. Sounds scary

    bn100candg at hotmail dot com

  6. Until you do it, you have no idea how many stupid people are out there calling 911. I was always amazed they could dial a phone. And people, most of them are in the breeding population. Be afraid, very afraid!
    Laurie P

  7. jennifer mathis says:

    wow lol im not really sure what to say so im just going to sit her and chuckle to myself oh and hide the candy then there is no fighting over it

  8. Wow. I have a friend who works as a dispatcher and she sees her fair share of strange things. People are just plain weird-throw in a holiday and it’s off the charts. (I am a retail manager by trade-so I know the levels of dumbness that is out there. It frightens me on a daily basis.)

    Hide the candy! Bwah ha ha!

    Happy Halloween!


    erzabetwrites at gmail dot com

  9. Wow that’s crazy, I know that my friends have broken bones on Halloween but we always drive them to the ER.

    smurfettev AT gmail DOT com

  10. Anyone know where I can get my hands on one of those Darth Vader carousels?!?!? That sounds so totally cool. (I’ll remind my neighbors not to call the cops when I rev it up.)


  11. Vanessa N. says:

    Great post and Halloween is just crazy. Thanks for the giveaway.


  12. Christian Van Slyke says:

    Halloween’s crazy because you have drunk people and crazy costumes.

  13. Debra St John is the winner of the $15 Barnes and Noble gift card.



  14. Gail Koger says:

    Debra St. John is the winner of the $15 Barnes and Noble gift card.


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