Three Things I Will Never Be Without Again
Hey! As an erotic romance writer, I can be expected to say shocking things. After
all, I get paid to write things that make some people gasp in horror and others
cover their cheeks in embarassment. Those same wild words of mine make some of us
smile and get a little frisky. Anyway - I'm fixing to tell you something shocking. Get ready. Here it is.
I have found - as I grow older - that there are three things that I will
never willingly do without again. They are - I will tell you - and then I will
1. An Electronic Reader
2, Assorted Wigs and Hairpieces and
3. A Vibrating Dildo
There, I said it. Are you shocked?
Let me start with the first and mildest of these confessions. I have friends that
own bookstores and I have been an avid reader all of my life. During my adult
years, I have belonged to as many as three book clubs at any one time. But I can
tell you this - I didn't know what a joy reading was until I got my Kindle. You
can substitute any electronic reader if the Kindle is not your bag - they're all
great. Let me tell you why - and I have more than one reason.
A. I can carry 467 books in my purse.
B. I can buy a book and have it in my hot little hands in 10 seconds.
C. When it's cold, I can lay in bed and read, turning the pages with my finger
through the sheet! I don't have to get my arms out from under the cover.
D. Mine is lit so I can read in bed and not turn on the bedside lamp and wake
Jason up - unless I get turned on by what I'm reading and wake him up to put out
the fire that the erotic romance on the Kindle set to blazing (if I can't wake him
up - see item three). That's probably not all the reasons, but that's enough.
2. I have never had great hair. First off - it's straight as a board and second -
I'm getting prematurely gray. So, I have been dyeing my hair since I was twenty-
one years old. Now, I will dye it until the day I die - but I swear to God, I will
never have another bad hair day as long as I live. Do you know why?
I have discovered the joy of WIGS!!!! They make great wigs and hair pieces these
day. They look and feel like real hair - even if they're synthetic and you can pay
anywhere from $49.95 to $549.95 - but Lord - they are worth the money! If you get
up and you can't do anything with your hair, you can grab one of your wigs or hair
pieces - pull it on and you're set. Mine look enough like my hair that no one has
ever noticed the difference. I've got a hell of a lot of compliments on my hair -
especially from the men - and it's always the day that I wear the wig. Men love
the fuller, longer look - it just sets their motors to revving. Now, I wear a wig
or wiglet almost everyday - makes me not dread mornings so much. AND THEY STAY ON
JUST FINE DURING SEX! They've got these ultra strong little fine-toothed combs
that grab onto your own hair - they're like a snapping turtle - once you fasten it
on, it's gonna be there till it thunders or you cut it off.
On to the last and most shocking thing that I will never, ever be without.
3. I will never be without my vibrating, thrusting, revolving, grinding, neon-lit,
clitoral stimulating, red fake penis!
LORD HAVE MERCY! Now, I write erotic romance novels - so I can talk about this
with some degree of authority. When I wrote one of my first cowboy novels I had a
scene where the heroine ordered her a dildo, because she didn't have a man - -
(I'm fixing to explain that they come in handy even if you have a good man). The
hero lived down the road and received said package (wrapped in plain brown paper)
and he opens it before he looks at the name on the box. Thinking that he had
himself an assortment of silver belt buckles, he grabs what's in the bag and takes
it out and finds that he has a handful of pink plastic penis. He throws it into
the air like a hot potato. Now, this scene was true. When I decided to write
about the pink plastic penis, I thought that the best thing I could do was buy one
for research purposes so that I could speak intelligently about how it felt in my
hand - how it looked - you know stuff like that. I didn't plan on actually using
it. (yea right) Anyway - my cute, sexy husband was sitting on the front porch when
the UPS guy arrives and hands him this box. Now, he tears into everything without
reading who it's to, where it's from - if it comes on the place - he considers it
fair game. So, picture him ripping into the box - reaching his hand down in the
deep recesses and coming out with a fistful of pink plastic penis. He nearly died!
Now, I've graduated from that model, up to a more serious - longer - thicker - does
more incredible moves - model called the JENNA STROKER. They ought to pay me for
telling you this - but OH. MY. GOD.!!!! This doohickey could put men flatdab out
of business. Now, let me defend my husband. He's good. And he's always - ready -
willing and able. But the man's not always around. . . . and I write erotic
romance novels. My writing sometimes gets me all tingly and excited and that red
plastic penis comes in mighty handy when you don't have the real thing - or can't
wake up the real thing - or say - you're out of town, or even dare I say - mad at
the real thing. Anyway. . . . . . they're less than a hundred bucks on Amazon and
they're worth a million dollars.
Now you know - as Paul Harvey would say - the rest of the story. I may do without
lipstick, Bluebell Ice Cream, new shoes or chocolate - but I'll never be without my
Kindle, my wig and my all-purpose, with all the bells and whistles, dildo.
Here's an excerpt from my latest release - HOT ON HER TRAIL and shows Jessie and
Jacob's experience with their own sex toy.
Jacob backed Jessie into the room, hungry for her kiss. His hands
were busy tugging at those luscious nipples, while his dick was
flexing in his pants, eager to be let loose to play.
“Okay, babe. What’s it going to be? Do you want me to go down on
you, or can I rut between these pretty tits?” Jacob was ready for
anything as long as it involved getting naked with Jessie.
“Actually, I do,” Jessie whispered in a sultry voice. “I need you
to undress and get on the bed for me. Jacob didn’t have to be told twice. In
record time, he was naked and lying on the bed with his peter sticking up like the
flag a war hero might have planted in conquered ground.
“Oh, you look yummy, baby,” she praised him. “I go all soft and achy inside just
looking at your joy-boy.”
“My what?” Jacob busted out laughing. “I think I might take exception to that
“You shouldn’t,” as she talked she was busy, and she didn’t think he was even
noticing what she was doing. “Your boy-parts bring me great joy, therefore – he’s
my joy-boy.” She had picked up each hand and kissed it, then proceeded to attach
a handcuff to it and fasten it to the bed rail. She had just clicked the second
one shut, when Jacob finally realized what was happening.
“Hey! What do you think you’re doing, little girl?” Jacob was going for a gruff voice, but he failed miserably. He was too damn
excited. His Jessie was getting adventurous. “I will get out of these cuffs at
some point, Jessie-love. And when I do there will be repercussions,” he promised.
Jessie shivered with delight. “Oh, I hope so.” While he was fussing, she fastened
a scarf around each ankle and attached it to the foot board. She was no fool; a
man as big and strong as Jacob couldn’t be confined with such flimsy bonds. But
she was strongly counting on the fact that he was anxious to see what erotic game
she had decided to play. Jessie didn’t intend to disappoint him.
Showing off, Jacob flexed his arms and legs, pretending that he was about to break
out of the restraints. Actually, he had no intention of going anywhere, but balls
deep inside of his pussycat.
Jessie looked at Jacob like she was starving and he was a feast laid out to satisfy
her every hunger. “You’re all mine, did you know that?” She began to talk to him,
as she began to torture him. In a few minutes she had Jacob groaning.
He didn’t know how much of it he could take. Jessie began at one hand and she
kissed down his arm until she came to his chest. Then, she licked and nipped to
her heart’s content – paying special attention to his nipple which she took in her
mouth and sucked like penny candy. Next, she started at one foot and nibbled her
way up his thigh. Then, she nearly shocked the shit out of him when she took one
of his balls in her mouth and rolled it between her lips. Lord. Have. Mercy! He
groaned, “Baby, you’re gonna be in so much trouble.”
When she giggled with one of his nuts in her mouth, he almost lost it. She licked
his dick like an old fashioned bullet pop. But the piece de-resistance was what
Jessie had something hidden behind her back. She hoped that she didn’t come off
looking foolish. So far, Jacob seemed to be enjoying her attention, but this next
thing was totally out of her imagined repertoire. Straddling Jacob at waist level,
she was right between the rock and the hard place. The hard place, his beautiful
chest was in front of her – and the rock, his delectable dick was tapping at her
“Lean over, doll-face, let me have a taste of your delicious nipples.” Jacob’s
mouth was actually watering; he was beside himself with lust for this gorgeous
This wasn’t part of her plan – but… what the heck – she was flexible. Putting a
palm on either side of his head, she let her breasts dangle down in his face.
Without a hand, he had to swirl his tongue around until he latched onto one. She
played with him a minute, coming closer and backing off – until she felt his lips
close over her nipple and he began to suck, voraciously. Jessie almost lost her
concentration. “Oh baby, your lips and tongue are pure magic,” she moaned.
Reluctantly, she pulled back; ready to continue with her agenda. He had her all
revved up, her clit was tingling and her breasts were throbbing, but what she was
about to do would take the cake. Setting the stage, she began to massage her own
Dayum! Jacob was licking his chops. Jessie picked her gorgeous titties up and
began to massage, caress and rub them. And looking at her face, it was making her
feel really good.
“I sure would like to help you out with that, baby.”
“I think I got it, love,” she teased as she pulled at her nipples and ground her
passion-slicked labia against his abs. She watched his face as he watched her
hands at her breasts. When he began to lick his lips, she knew she had his full
and complete attention. Retrieving her toy, she brought it around and turned it
Jacob was shocked. His sweet baby Jess had a vibrator. “Jesus, Jess. What are
you gonna do with thing?” With a smile, she began to show him.
“I’m going to blow your mind, love,” Scooting back she went to work. Turning on
her little pocket-rocket wand, she began to rub it on his penis and balls.
The high-speed pulses felt like a million tiny fingers and tongues all working on
his business at once. It felt incredible! “I don’t know how much of this I can
take. Jess!” He bucked his hips up to meet the teasing touches as she rubbed the
magic wand up and down his dick and around his furry testicles.
Jessie decided to up the ante as she added her tongue and lips to the mix. After
a few moments of oral play, she had him begging for more. “Suck me, sweetheart.
Let me feel that hot little mouth.” Jessie was generous, she took him into her
mouth and sucked while she ran the vibrator around the base of his shaft and over
his balls. When she felt him tighten, she went to Step Two.
Moving up his body, she spread her legs apart so he had an up and personal look at
the wet, excited flower of her sex. “Holy Mother of God,” Jacob breathed as he
realized that she was about to pleasure herself with the vibrator.
Jessie wasn’t sure she could do this, but she was determined to try. Libby had
given her a few pointers, and she had watched a little late night television, but
performing for the sexiest man alive was a different story. But, Jacob loved her
and that counted for more than anything. Closing her eyes, she gave herself over
to the pleasure. Rising up on her knees, she arched her back, thrusting her
breasts out. With one hand she plucked at her nipple and with the other she passed
the vibrator over her mound, into her slit and around her clitoris. She moaned at
how good it felt. It wasn’t as good as the real thing, but by the sound of his
growls and groanings, Jacob was enjoying the show. Jessie bit her lip as she
eased the vibrator up into her weeping vagina. This was the first time she had
ever felt the fluttering pleasure that an artificial penis could bring as she
teased her G-spot and the sensitive rim of her tender channel. It was good – but
it wasn’t Jacob. Gyrating her hips, Jessie fed her hungry core. Beneath her, she
could feel Jacob moving his hips in sympathetic thrusts. Feeling brave, she looked
into his eyes and what she saw there led her to toss the wand aside – still
buzzing. Backing up about six inches, she took his straining erection and impaled
her primed pussy onto his grateful flesh. The hiss of his gratitude was music to
her ears. Because Jessie felt the same way; nothing was as good as this – nothing.
Raising and lowering her body, she apologized for all the teasing. Rocking her
hips, she promised untold delight. Pulling at her own nipples, she made him
jealous enough to beg.
“You’ve got a choice doll, and about five seconds to make it. Either you lower
those sweet babies down so I can suck, or I’m going to break this headboard in
Since she didn’t want to be responsible for destruction of property, she gave him
what he wanted. Craning his neck, Jacob closed his lips over her swollen,
distended nipple. Suckling with long draws of pure lust, he wasn’t surprised to
taste the offering of her milk. The baby book had said that a high level of
sexual arousal could trigger lactation. Smiling around her breast, he was thrilled
that he could please her to such an extent.
He didn’t let her do all the work herself. As she came down, he pushed up – over
and over again. “Oh, Jacob, yes, yes,“ she keened. “I love your mouth on my
nipples.” Her appreciation just spurred him on, making him harder – longer – his
thrusts becoming a pounding friction that culminated in an white-hot explosion of
rapture. She collapsed on his chest, and he wanted to hold her – but he was still
cuffed to the bed. Instead, he kissed the side of her head, the top of her head –
crooning to her in low, dulcet tones that conveyed all the love and devotion that
was overflowing from his very soul.
Thanks for reading.