Welcome to Between The Covers, my monthly blog about erotic romance in the news! My name is Rebecca Gillan. Sometimes I come across stories that look like normal people doing normal people stuff. Sometimes I come across stories that sound like someone tried to re-enact their favorite scene from a romance novel and it didn’t go so well. Once a month, on the first Friday of the month, I share some of these juicy gems. So grab your popcorn and enjoy the ride!
As I mentioned last month, we have entered the age of over-sharing on the web. If you have a social media account, chances are good that you have experienced this phenomenon first hand. Even news organizations have dipped their toes into the murk, mainly because they have taken over the role of back-yard gossip rags, sharing with us stories we probably didn’t want to hear about and in such detain we can’t stop stop ourselves from reading it. Yes, loyal readers, rubber-necking has gone digital and I’m as guilty of it as those who slow down to look at car accidents. This month, I have three stories that are so rich in detail it almost takes your breath away.
Every now and then, scientists make make headlines for studying odd things. For reasons not fully understood, the truly odd—and hilarious—studies focus on sexual reproduction. For instance, scientists have figured out that men who suffer penis fractures usually sustain the injury while cheating. Who knew that “broke dick” was a medically defined state of being or that a man could actually fracture that particular “bone?”
I did notice one glaring omission. If the data on how the injury was sustained was gathered by asking men what they were doing when it happened, how do the researchers know they were getting honest answers? No one tells better BS stories than a man trying to hide his embarrassment over doing something silly. Who are you going to believe, the guy who broke his wang having an affair or the one who broke it falling out of bed when he had a case of morning wood?
When a story of love gone wrong hits the news, not only is it odd, it’s also usually ripe for puns. For instance, in New Port Richey, a man and woman got into a fight over the man’s on-line porn habits. The man asked the woman where his hand gun is. (She’d hidden it earlier in the day.)
Would you tell someone in the middle of a nasty fight where you hid their hand gun? No? Well, this lady did more than that. When the man went locked himself in the bedroom she’d hidden the weapon in, she started trying to break the door down—with a hamper. Not sure how dirty clothes would have helped in this case, but I wasn’t there. Maybe she thought they were offensively dirty.
Long story short, the man opened the door with a hammer in his hand and… didn’t use it. He stomped on her hand and cell phone, instead. He was booked for domestic violence and tampering with a witness. No word if the woman was booked with hampering a slammer.
There is no need to make puns about this next story, at least not the version of the story that Gawker put out. In a story quickly picked up almost every news organization out there, a 36-year-old dwarf adult film actor who was set to become the next “big” thing in celebrity porn look-alikes reportedly was found partially eaten by a badger. The supposed rising star of niche acting was previously “discovered” on the set of a film called “Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your Arse We Go.”
Giggling hysterically yet? Then keep reading: And I quote, “Officials have not yet ruled out suicide, and adult film producer Dexter Yamunkeh’s comments — in which he intimates that Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world’s leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf…”
It took me a couple tries to read it all the way through without busting out in giggles. If you still can’t bring yourself to believe the tale, give yourself a pat on the back for being brighter than web editors around the world.This one turned out to be a prank, and a very good one, too. You gotta love Gawker when they pull these kinds of pranks, really. They do it just often enough to make you doubt their true stories and want to believe their fake ones. It’s both entertaining and serve the public service of encouraging people to think for themselves.
That’s enough silliness for one post, I think. As you head into the new season, remember to have a little fun from time to time, but keep it between the covers or you might end up in the police blotter—or on this blog!