Winter Blogfest: My Mother Has Twelve Trees by Voss Porter

This post is part of Long and Short Reviews Winter Blogfest. Leave a comment for a chance to win a copy of the author’s debut novel, The Right Kind of Woman, along with one random ornament that she’s sure her mother will never miss!

My Mother Has Twelve Trees

Growing up, I knew that my mother was passionate about Christmas, but I never understood quite how passionate she was until my father bought a storage building for their backyard and quickly apportioned more than half of it for her ever-expanding trove of tinsel and garlands and knick-knacks and nativity scenes. My mother has, like, a hundred nativity scenes – she has nativity scenes from the Holy Land, and one adobe nativity scene from Mexico. She has nativity scenes with cows for wise men and a duck for the baby Jesus. She has one nativity scene made of Legos and one made of gold… But it was her trees that sent me over the edge. My mother has twelve Christmas trees. Tall trees, something called a “pencil” tree, tabletop trees, one tree she uses to hang doily ornaments my grandmother made in the early 1950s, one with silver metallic branches that spins on a base to showcase disks in a color wheel that’s all but bolted to the floor, one that’s real, one that’s made of white rope lights, one that’s the size of a VW bus… My mother’s trees are outrageous, and they’re alternatingly themed; every other year she puts up trees with distinctive personalities, like a kitchen ornament tree or an “Ornaments of the World” tree. During the in between times, she throws up every single ornament in her possession – including that wooden stocking with my third grade teacher’s name written on in it in paint pen (that’s about thirty years old, by this point).

“It’s too much,” I tell her, while we rummage in that aforementioned shed out back, dismantling stacks of grey, Rubbermaid bins that are not labeled correctly because, as overboard as she goes, she can’t be bothered to put anything where it would make sense to go (Don’t blame me, she tells me every single year, It’s just so sad to take it all down, I don’t want to think about it…).

“It’s not too much,” she says in response. She has just uncovered the trunk of her bathroom decorations. My mother has bathroom decorations. My mother decorates her bathroom for Christmas. She has a Santa seat cover and toilet paper with festive phrases printed on it that we have had, in our familial possession, since 1985.

“Why do you need all of this out? Why does anyone need all of this?” I have brothers. They should be doing this – the heavy lifting and the toting and the dragging in and out of the back door. Of course, they don’t. Who wants to help unload Christmas decorations?

“I like it,” she blows a strand of hair from her face. “And it could be worse.”

A wreath falls on my foot and one of the twinkle light points digs right into my toe. “I fail to see how it could get any worse.”

“I could die and leave it all to you.”

Lord, do not take my mother from me. I am not ready.

But when the time comes, please take her Christmas work shed first.

rkow%20-%20c-3Just when free-spirited farm girl, Cara Spencer Holloway, feels the regulatory world of her closeted, Southern enclave will swallow her whole, her three miscreant brothers team up to carelessly through her together with regimented, Northern software designer, Dre Martin, on a misguided stop en route to Florida. One steamy stop leads to another and soon the two women will learn more about what the right kind of partner can bring to life than they had ever suspected, but can Cara Spencer move forward and out of the pain of her past, or will she succumb to the doubts that have plagued her romantic life from its very inception?

About the Author: Writing under the pseudonym of Voss Porter, I am married to an amazing woman, I am mother to two human children who keep me on my toes, and four canine progeny. I am a proud lesbian in an LGBTQ community that is yet undiscovered, and I have been a writer from the age of six. I am a passionate storyteller, a little bit of a nerd, and a complete badass.

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Buy the book at Amazon.

 

Comments

  1. kim amundsen says:

    Sounds like a good read.

  2. HAHAHAHAH!!! Love your story about your Mom’s decorating dedication! I’m also laughing because I told my husband today that from now on, I want to collect those LED Christmas trees to put in my windows instead of candles that I’ve had for decades. Time for a new tradition. I just bought my first Partylite tree “candle” and I love it. So, I find it hysterical that the day I make this profound announcement to my husband, I read your post about your mom’s obsession with Christmas trees and Christmas decor. I had the best time reading your post. Thank you!!!!

  3. Congrats on your debut novel! How exciting it must be for you. Wow, what a vast collection or collections that your mother has, that she even decorates the bathroom.

  4. Reading your post, that is amazing about your Mother’s collection, my husband grumps about having to help me set up 5 trees.

  5. fun holiday decorations

    bn100candg at hotmail dot com

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